Grief, Loss, and Other Difficult Emotions

Step One: Notice what you are feeling.

Lee* had difficulty feeling his feelings. He usually felt disconnected from his body and his emotional sensations. Even with a strong sense of feeling something, Lee did not know the name of the emotion. Mostly, he just felt lost. He couldn’t tap into this resource or share his inner life with his partner and family.

Starting by doing check-ins with himself seemed to help. Lee wrote anything he sensed in his phone three times a day, even if he didn’t know what it meant. For example, he might feel queasy or unsettled in his stomach or recognize that he clenched his jaw.

Just looking into what was happening for him gave Lee a window into his emotional world that he could begin translating into words with my help. His queasy feeling turned out to be nervousness, and his clenched jaw was anger. He learned to say things like, “I am feeling nervous.” He found expressing how he felt gave him a whole new way to access his inner world and communicate.

Just noticing what you feel, being attuned to your felt experience, and being able to label it can be incredibly powerful. Let me help you develop emotional skills that can benefit you in many areas of your life.

Step Two: Acknowledge what you feel and let it go.

Julia* knew she needed to grieve, but she kept fighting it. She didn’t want to break down and believed she needed to stay strong for the rest of her family. Julie feared that once she let the grief come, it would never stop, so she kept going to work and staying busy, hoping it would go away on its own – but it didn’t.

Learning how to accept that she expressed grief in her own way, realize that she resented the grieving, and had feelings about the way she felt seemed to help. Julia would break down in therapy and then feel guilty, checking with me to make sure it was okay to cry. She worried about being a burden to me, but letting it out in therapy took some pressure off, making her snap at other people less often.

Slowly, Julia realized she could let her feelings out gradually and that she wouldn’t drown in the grief. Sadness and anger would come and go, but she wasn’t getting stuck in the same old feeling, which was a relief.

Once we acknowledge that we feel something, stay attentive, listen to what is going on, and understand our experience, change seems to happen. For many people, this is enough, and they don’t have to do anything else.

Learning more about who you are emotionally and how you react to and experience things is essential to learning how to nurture and care for yourself. Grief helps us heal our hearts. Even though it is painful, it is worth it. We often learn something new by grieving, maybe about ourselves, the person, or the relationship we lost.

Step Three: If the feeling is overwhelming, try different coping methods.

Martina* experienced so much anxiety that she couldn’t concentrate at work. She knew that it was anxiety and that it would come and go, but she needed to be able to function, even on bad days.

Martina had tried things in the past (e.g., adult coloring books to reduce stress, affirmations, and telling herself that it was possible to just do it and get through it) that didn’t work. She needed more effective coping strategies that would make a greater difference for her.

As Martina’s therapist, I taught her diaphragmatic breathing, which helped her become more relaxed and focused. For instance, at work she could go into the bathroom and take a few minutes to activate the relaxation response with deep breathing. The more she practiced and remembered to use it when she was anxious, the better it worked.

She started to feel more competent because she could manage her anxiety effectively instead of letting it overcome her. She also started an aerobic exercise routine that slowly seemed to help her become more resilient, so the anxiety did not get bad so often.

Learn to overcome grief, loss, and emotional difficulties.

Whether you struggle with anger, depression, shame, or something else, there are effective coping strategies available to you.

As we work together, you will learn techniques that help you feel more connected, more aware of your grief, and less overwhelmed. The goal is to help you find the right approach to help you overcome those feelings that keep you stuck.

Therapy helped Lee, Julia, and Martina, and it can help you, too. Contact me today, and let’s work to help you overcome your emotional concerns.

*Names and stories are composite narratives and do not reflect actual clients.